Customer Service ?

You have reached B&H & Appleton laundry service. Please leave your name, your apartment address and the number of the machine that you are reporting out of order so that we can more quickly service the appliance.

"Well hello again. It's me, Sandy, from the Regency apartments. Once again, after a ten hour work day, I am standing before one of your broken washers. It's filled with lots of water and, of course, my clothes and it appears to be unwilling to enter into the spin cycle. I don't ask for much from you people. Just a simple wash cycle in return for the $1.50 I plug into your antique machines week after week. Instead I'll be spending the next two hours retrieving soaked and dripping laundry from this machine and transferring it to another which will hopefully decide it wants to use the spin cycle. Never mind the extra $1.50 this will cost me. It's the fact that I'll be unable to finish drying my clothes until nearly midnight that upsets me. So be sure and tape those nice little 6 quarters onto another card and drop it in the mail for my refund. That will make it all better. Kind of like poking a sharp stick in my eye in order to collect on the loss of sight clause in my insurance policy.

Oh, and that yucky stuff floating in the water? Kinda looks like cat litter doesn't it? I have no idea how that got there. Have a nice day!"

My Name Is Sandy........

My name is Sandy and I'm a Farmaholic. This is my first time at an FA meeting and I'm afraid that it just might be my last chance to regain control of my life.

I find myself getting up at midnight to harvest an imaginary crop or to feed my virtual dog, and then drag myself, exhausted, into work the next day. I've been thrown out of Walmart for trying to use FV cash to pay for my groceries. And last week my whole world collapsed when my FV neighbors simply disappeared. I mean, why? Why would neighbors just leave? I'd committed to a rice co-op and promised to plant and harvest 200 plots, but without neighbors I wasn't allowed to join. Without neighbors in FV you're nothing! Farmville tech support keeps saying they're investigating the mysterious disappearance of neighbors and loading problems, but I remain friendless except for the animals on my farm.

My computer room smells from the overflowing cat litter sitting in the corner. I have no time to feed and clean up after a real pet when my new virtual dog still needs to be trained with the virtual dog treats.

The worst of it is that I've influenced my grandchildren through my addictive behavior. I needed twenty neighbors to expand my farm and so, yes, I admit it. I coerced those innocents into joining my virtual world and now they too are addicts. Once I even stooped so low as to create a fake neighbor to use in my never ending quest of bigger and better farming. I like to think of it as creative farming. Oh? Really? Well, no, I never actually thought of myself as being a FV cheater. I suppose you could be right, but you won't report me will you?

I've been thinking that maybe I was getting a handle on the problem lately. After all, I gave up Cafe World so I could concentrate on Farmville. That's a good sign. Right? What? Well, yes maybe that is a little like giving up wine to devote more time to Vodka. Guess you've heard all of this before. But I know some people who are much worse off than me. they're using Mafia World, Zooland, Vampire World and God only know what else to feed their addiction. OK. So maybe I should just concentrate on my own problems.

Well. Would you look at the time. Is it 8:30 already? This has been helpful, but I really must go. I have a grape crop that will whither by ten tonight. Oh! And I think it may be my turn on Scrabble......................

Fools Gold

This was April's Ditalini Press assignment:
Take an object, place, or emotion and give it human characteristics. Once again my muse, Susan whispered inspiration into my ear. And a big thanks to Rudy my techno-guy who also has a great rock collection.


Fools Gold

Like the craftsman gilds the edges of a fine frame, I too can guilt the edges of your world. In doing so, I cover the original portrait of your life with fools gold. Turning pleasure to pain, freedom to imprisonment, and life's ambitions to drudgery, by simply whispering the words, "should have, could have" into your ear. My whispers drowning out the beating of your heart which carries the rhythm of the songs you want to sing. There is no end to what I can do.

I can make you give up your life's ambitions by looking through the eyes of your child, stretching out my arms to you, and saying, "Please don't go."

I can drive you breathlessly, recklessly across an entire continent to weep at the grave of a parent who never really loved you.

I can hobble you in the middle of the dance by pointing out that your best friend is a wallflower.

When you soar, I can ensnare you in my web of lies, and bring you back down to earth to be fitted with guilted iron boots.

And when laughter escapes your lips, I can shame you with the knowledge that those around you are grieving.

Yes. I can do all these things, but only if you give me the power by choosing the fools gold I offer. I am guilt. Pass me by in search of life's finer treasures.