A Different Kind of Holiday

Thanksgiving approaches, and with it comes all the anxiety of choosing who to share it with. With families as diverse as ours the choice is not always easy and seldom pleasant. I've had enough pain and chaos in my 60 years of life to switch my fight or flight mode into a permanent flight pattern. The bickering between my married daughter and her husband, and literally all of his family members, sets my teeth on edge. And yet I want to be with my family for the holidays.

Rudy and I are no longer a couple so at least the problem of having to spend the holidays with his family is not an issue. I love his family, but his daughter is coming home again for Thanksgiving and she carries an overweight suitcase stuffed with drama. All the joy of the season is sucked into the black hole of her suffering. Yes, she does suffer from a serious illness, but its been over a year now and it's still all about her instead of the actual joy of living. And yet I miss being with Rudy for the holidays.

Scott and Michelle have a fun time with her parents and I could easily invite myself for dinner. But I will be vacationing in Cancun with them the week after Thanksgiving and it seems a bit much to include the holidays in our togetherness this year. Sarah and Jim both either work or are on call most holidays. That's the sacrifice nurses and police officers make for the rest of us.

MG and my sister live too far away to share a simple turkey dinner with them. I really really miss my big sister.

In all of this, Sarah has come up with a perfect plan. One that for once meets my need and hers for family time minus all the chaos and drama. Since she is on call and Jim will be working, we plan to cook a full Thanksgiving meal together. Just the two of us. We will begin with a sleep over the night before and then spend Thanksgiving sitting in our PJs watching the parades on TV while the turkey cooks. She's a vegetarian so it may seem pointless, but it's the tradition that matters not the leftovers. And there will be lots of leftovers. I will probably be spending all of Friday making pot pies. After we eat, I will make the trip to Wendy's home where most of the chaos should be winding down due to the overstuffed relatives. I will share a dessert with them, hug my grand kids, help Wendy do up the dishes,( since no one else ever does) and then head home for a quiet evening.

Of course it could all go wrong. All it would take is one car accident or heart attack to force Sarah to head to the hospital, leaving me alone with my holiday plans. So all of you out there stay off the roads and stay well so that I can enjoy Thanksgiving this year.

Collateral Damage II

Here we are, just as I predicted we would be one short year ago. Destroyed, not by our own doing, but as collateral damage in the war against cancer. Nothing I can do or say would be the right thing. All time and energy has been sucked from our relationship, given over to the higher priority of fighting this losing battle. The pain and chaos magnified by the half truths of one who would cry wolf over and over again. And how are we to know when the wolf is really at the door? Since we have no crystal ball, we put our lives, our love, our relationship on hold. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. There are no good guys, no bad guys, just two people who chose to struggle separately rather than together. Because when all strength is gone we foolishly let go rather than hold on. The only difference between us is that, had our roles been reversed in this tragedy, I would probably have given up long before you did.

Opulence!

We spent a fun day this past weekend in Southern Ohio at some friends of ours who are not rich but very well off. Their source of income has been earned the hard way, through sweat and sacrifice. They own a summer home which sits on about one hundred acres of beautiful reclaimed strip mining territory. Their four wheeler toys cost more than my car, and they share them generously with their friends whom we count our selves lucky to be among.

I've often thought how wonderful it would be to have that kind of money. Until now. During our conversation this weekend our hostess, Sharon, told us about a once in a lifetime adventure which she had taken this summer. At the expense of one of her own generous friends she was able to cruise the Bahamas for two glorious weeks in a way few people are able to do.

Sharon's friend is a Widow who's husband was a brilliant inventor and good business man. At the time of his death, he held countless patents for which he was paid handsomely. He left his wife wealthy beyond anything you or I could imagine. Sharon brought out a computer slide show which literally took our breath away. The pictures of this woman's home in all its opulence were mind blowing, but the real shocker was the 80 foot yacht, with a crew of three, which she owned and used to take friends on countless cruises. The yacht had five , yes, five bedrooms and five bathrooms. Everything was done in marble, and etched glass, and decorated exquisitely. As we gaped at the photos Rudy said "Wow! That must be a million dollar boat." To which Sharon quickly replied, "Six million." We literally gasped at the thought of such opulence. There was a picture that had been taken of the back of the yacht which displayed its christened name SCOOTER. The letters were inlaid gold!

For two weeks Sharon and six others were treated to unlimited cruising pleasures in the Bahamas. An experience which Sharon will never forget and be forever grateful. I cannot even begin to imagine such a lifestyle.

Days have passed since I viewed the slide show and I still can't wrap my head around the chasm which divides the truly wealthy from the rest of us. I do not begrudge their fortunes as they have earned it by their own merit and not through the blood or sweat of others. But a part of me says, "How much is too much?" How can there be so much wealth for so few and such staggering poverty for so many, and how long can you and I remain in the middle precariously separating the two.