Some Men Are Smarter Than Others

You may have noticed that one of my blog followers just happens to be my (what do we call them these days?) Manfriend? Lover? Beau? Whichever, he's the one who makes really cool comments on all my pieces. He actually reads them! We live an hours drive from each other and try to keep a balance between work and weekends. It works because he is smarter than the average man. Much smarter.

He understands that foreplay does not mean ten minutes of groping before you hop into bed. It begins as soon as I wake up and he puts a steaming cup of coffee in my hands. It continues throughout the day with e-mails he calls love bumps and a quick phone call at lunch. Yes,I think I've found a real man who isn't afraid to check his ego at the door, and enter with nothing more than a simple smile. In fact I found him lying naked under my Christmas tree when I entered my apartment the other day. And he didn't mind when I went back into the hallway, closed the door, and started laughing. Let me tell you, his smile lights up my world! What we have is simple, sincere, mature, and awesome. Well, maybe not mature.

Pee Your Pants laughter permeates our relationship, even while we are making love. Now that's something I wish I'd learned years ago. As one becomes older, it becomes more and more apparent that laughing is essential to a relationship. It's the glue that holds you together when everything else is falling apart.

He's the first thing on my mind when I wake each morning and the final thought that follows me into my dreams at night. When he tells me, "You just don't get how much I love you." I realize that I do get it because, I feel the same. In other words, we are mirror images of our emotional commitment to each other. It just doesn't get any better than that.

Scrabble Wars II

This time my daughter brought her 120 pound Rhodesian Ridgeback, Argos, with her to compete in our Scrabble Wars.

"Set up the board, hon, and go first. I'll go get the wine. Argos! get your nose out of my...."
"Common ma, that's the best thrill you've had in over a year."
"Not exactly what I had in mind."
"You could do worse than Argos here. He's my baby boy. Hell, you have done worse...he he he......Setzen, Argos, Lage!"
"Maybe if you used English commands instead of German, he'd keep his nose outa my..."
"You should get a cat ma. Something to keep you company. You're always alone."
"I don't want a cat. I have my beta fish. He respects my space."
"F U N...Not a great word for starts, but at least it's double points."
"We missed you yesterday at Thanksgiving dinner."
"I told you I didn't feel like sitting through another one of those fiascos. I hate Johns family."
"I know, but can't you just sit back and see the humor in it all? You didn't go last year either.
G U I L T.......10 points"
"I just can't be a hypocrite like that."
"You mean like me?"
"No I didn't mean it that way. You love seeing Boo and sis. There's nothing there for me...nothing. A N G E R ....6 points."
"Any luck on your car search? Still thinkin' about the Explorer? Can't imagine spending 30 thousand plus on a new car. G R E E D....8 points"
"I work too hard not to have the things I want."
"Lots of people work hard just to get the things they need."
"Mom, I'm not like you. I WANT things. I don't know how you can stand living in this apartment. F E A R....7 points"
"I love this place...."
"Well I want more. I don't want to end up like this!"
"Like What?"
"Nothin'. It's just that you don't care about anything anymore."
"I just don't care about THINGS anymore. A P A T H Y.....18 points."
"Well, I'm just sayin' If you ever need anything........."
"Some decent tiles would be nice. I pass. You go."
"L O V E....red tile...triple score! Uh Huh Uh Huh!"
"Think I'd better go check the pizza. I can smell it. Argos!!! Get your nose out of my....."

The Binds That Tie

Ahhh the holidays. How they bring out the best in us and in those we share blood ties with. Family gatherings fueled by chaos, agendas, grudges,years and years of baggage and oh yes the dogs. Hundreds of dogs in all breeds and sizes. Everyone must bring one. I'm the only one who comes alone, but no one even notices. I reach behind me to pull some mutts nose out of my backside while brushing fur off the black pants I knew I should not wear, and everyone just assumes one of these adorable creatures must be mine. I laugh every time I see an in law or out law greet one another with a stiff hug, and then slobber all over the dogs. Maybe the dogs really are part of the family bloodline. I've heard John refer to his dad many times as a son of a......!

Then there's the holiday feast. My daughter spends hours preparing the seating chart so that no one sits next to someone they are not currently getting along with; or perhaps an Ex. Sometimes that's just impossible, and the resulting dynamics are truly entertaining. Well, at least to me, because my mother has moved back to Wisconsin at long last, and, I'm the one person who no longer has a personality conflict around the dinner table. Of course the irony of saying Grace before eating and conversation begins, is never lost on me. While they pray and give thanks, I'm thinking, "God ...I hope nobody dies today!"

Politics, religion, problems at work, morals, all those wonderful subjects that create lively conversation; these are the things we speak of! I choke on my turkey
as a certain someone brings up her vegetarian ideals once again. Then grab another fork full from the huge serving platter just to spite her. One of the Exes mentions a money matter which might have been best said in private, and all conversation stops. I can't bear the silence, so I rush to fill the pregnant pause. "Would you pass me the mashed potatoes please?" I say. "How many of you guys voted for Obama this year?"

By the end of the day, dogs are ruining the carpets because everyone has snuck them greasy left overs. Grown ups are half asleep on the couch watching a football game. Boo is bouncing off the walls from too much holiday excitement. My daughter has a headache, and I'm doing the dishes with someone else's Ex. All in all another perfect holiday. I can't wait for Christmas!