Monday, November 10, 2008
This post is the result of an assignment from the Ditilini Press. We were instructed to create a fictional headline and an article which would be both humorous and original. This was so beyond my comfort zone that I thought I'd simply forfeit the assignment. Then I met the most amazing Italian family and they inspired me to write outside my normal boundaries. Thank you Rudy and Papa Calzone from the bottom of my heart. WINK
The traditional New Years day Polenta dinner at the Calzone family turned into a meatball massacre, when a careless guest tried to spear a meatball from the center of the Polenta board.Not having been educated in the proper rules of Polenta board etiquette, Ms Smith, of Parma, unwittingly committed the ultimate faus pas. After consuming the meatball in front of her, she casually reached for another which rested approximately one foot toward the center of the board. Any Italian knows that one must eat their way to the next meatball, never reaching across the Polenta for one.
From out of nowhere Papa Calzone sprang at her with a fork, in an attempt, to teach her the finer points of Italian tradition. Narrowly missing her hand, he harpooned the meatball to the Polenta board. Chaos ensued. Needless to say, the hapless guest, headed for the nearest exit.
When asked why she did not call 911 regarding the assault, she simply said, "I've seen all the Godfather movies and have no desire to wake up one morning with a bloody meatball under my sheets!"
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